i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
