Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
