I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
she told me i tasted like america
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
then he tried to convert me to islam
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
