What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
