my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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