I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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