drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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