Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Randomize
