i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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