Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
