The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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