I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
