Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
