So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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