i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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