What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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