Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I wear drunk well.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
