so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
