just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You ruined the universe
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
