it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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