If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
