His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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