i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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