Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
