i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
