I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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