i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
