big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
