Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
