i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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