yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
