I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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