he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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