I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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