Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
