how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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