is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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