Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
