Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We left an ass print on the piano.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
