That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
