I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
