good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
