it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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