booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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