I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
