this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
