I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
