you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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