I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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