What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
