Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
