He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
