Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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