Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
