Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
