I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
