I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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